


Try to stand up again

by BlackNekochan99



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Child Abuse, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow To Update, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-23 13:57:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7465989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackNekochan99/pseuds/BlackNekochan99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry lived through terrible things at the Dursleys and sees only one way out. But his life is only his own and he is no ones proberty. To make sure of that so noone can ever use him again he sees only one way.<br/>But what if someone doesn't agree with him.<br/>Will Harry learn to live again?</p><p>Just a little something I wrote during a Skype conference. Please tell me if you want me to continue this story</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that english isn't my native language and I have no Beta.  
> I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes.
> 
> If you find mistakes i would be glad if you would Point them out so I can remove them.
> 
> I will edit the whole work if i decide to write more. Please tell me if you want me to continue it.
> 
> The characters and places don't belong to me and I'm not making money with them.  
> If you find any quotes from books, movies etc or other fanfiction please Point them out to me. I didn't make them intentional and don't want to take credit for anything that isn't mine.

Harry was staring silently across the black lake. 

Tears roled down his cheeks but he didn't whipe them away.  
They had already soaked the upper part off his robe but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything at the moment. Why should he? His life was hell. 

Everyone seemed to expect so much of him because he somehow killed someone when he was a baby.  
Didn't they understand? He bloddy killed someone! And they were celebrating him because of it?! He didn't understand these people! He should be in prison!  
Okay, Voldemort wasn't exactly someone to mourn after so he would understand if they didn't put him in prison and simply left him alone but they celebrated him because of it. And then they didn't even seem to care for him enough to visit him once during his childhood to check if he was alright. Because his childhood clearly wasn't alright!  
He was beat up, locked in and starved on every occassion.  
And in in the summer holidays last year it got worse. His uncle had touched him in a way no adult should touch a child. And it hurt so bad! 

So he pleaded with the headmaster to stay at Hogwarts over the summer.  
Or more precisely to stay anywhere besides the Dursleys during the summer. But the Headmaster didn't listen to him.  
He told him it was for the best and he would be save there from Voldemort.  
But what did it help him if his own uncle hurt him more than Voldemort ever had. 

That was another point. Voldemort never really hurt him.  
Okay he killed his parents but he never hurt him personally. Harry instead hurt him quite a lot.  
He destroyed an innocent person last year and rather cruel at that if he remembered Quirrels screams correct.  
And still they ignord it. After that year he became mentally unstable when he went home.  
And it became worse with everything his uncle did.  
So when he came back to school he needed the comfort of his friends more than ever but they turned away from him and just because he could speak to snakes.  
He thought they saw him in a different way than everybody else. But it seemed he had been mistaken. 

 

But as soon as he saved Ginny everybody saw the hero in him again. 

And Dumbledore wouldn't tell him anything.  
If he was to be their hero he should know what he was fighting for or at least against what he was figting.  
But Dumbledore turned all his questions away and now told him that he had to go back to his relatives. 

It just became too much. He wished that Voldemort had succeded to kil him as a baby.  
Then he wouldn't have to go through all of this.  
But it seemed life was never easy and fate always against him.  
But it was his life! He wasn't just a pawn to be toyed with like everyone seemed to think.  
It was his life and from now on he would make the decisions!  
Even if it was just one decision. But there was no going back now.  
Silently he stood and started walking towards the water.  
He didn't notice the icy water lapping at his legs because inside of him it felt much colder.  
The emotional pain stabbed him like a poisonous knife and and pushed everything else into the background. 

He would to anything to make it stop. So he walked further.  
The water now started lapping at his chest and wet his robe completely.  
Somehow he felt sad about the robe. It was a beautiful robe after all. But in the end he couldn't bring himself to care. He just walked farther.  
The water now reached his neck and the first small waves swapped at his chin but still he idn't stop.  
He couldn't stop.  
Now the water covered his mouth and would soon cover his nose too. Making him unable to breath.  
Suddenly his right foot lost his balance and he started to slip. At first panic bubbled inside of his chest but it went away again as fast as it came. At least now it would be over.  
His body started to feel heavy and his eyelids grew heavier. Distantly he felt his lungs scream for air but he ignored it. His sight started to get blurry and finally a smile slid on his face. It would be over.

 

''Harry!'' he heard a distant scream. 

They say before you die you see your life before your eyes one last time. Was that it? Would he hear his mother plead for his life one last time? But somehow the voice had seemed deeper. But maybe his imagination was just playing tricks on him. And now it felt like someone was touching him. It felt nice. It was the way he always wanted to die. In the arms of another person. Suddenly his face grew cold and his vision became black spots. Then he blacked out. The last thing he remembered were the onyx eyes of his most hated professor. After that everything faded away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me which Pairing you want it to be or if there should be a Main Pairing at all.
> 
> Severus/Harry  
> Lucius/Harry  
> Voldemort/Harry
> 
> Or maybe a threesome?
> 
> And which one of them should become something like a mentor/adoptive father for Harry?
> 
> I'm also open for other suggestions but no Draco/Harry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The suicide attempt didn't Change anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the Long delay and the incredibly short chapters but I had a few Family matters to attend to. The chapters will get longer when the Story developes more but ricght now I can't decide wich path to take ^^'.  
> Also thanks a lot for the kind reviews. If I havn't answered them yet I will do so in the next few hours.

When Harry came back into the land of living he was lying in a soft bed in the Hogwarts hospital wing.  
Tears started to well up into his eyes.  
Why wasn't he even allowed to die?  
He couldn't understand it and it just didn't seem fair. 

Then the memories came rushing back. 

The onyx eyes. 

He only knew one person with that eye colour and that was his snarky poitions professor.  
But why should Snape save him?  
It didn't make sense.  
But it was the way it was.  
The greasy git had saved him and would now probaply rub it in his face that Harry owed him a life-dept.  
And surely his professor would make fun of him because of the suicide attempt and his fail.  
He could already hear the comments about how he couldn't even kill himself correctly and the taunting about how his life was soooo miserable that it was too much for the Gryffindor golden Boy, the Hero to take. 

By now tears had started to spill over his cheeks and a strangled sob tore itself out of his throat. 

,,Oh you poor dear!'' he suddenly heard and looked towards the voice only to see Madam Pomfrey waalk towards him.

On one side he felt ashamed that she saw him in such a condition but on the other hand he just couldn't seem to care.  
His life couldn't get more miserable than it was right now so why should he care?  
He let the mediwitch check him over and allowed her to fuss over him.  
After some time she seemed to get that he wouldn't react and left him alone. 

A few minutes later he fell into a liht slumber only to be awoken by the headmaster sitting down in a chair next to him.  
So now he would get the typical what's-wrong-my-boy-speech.  
Harry listened to everything Dumbledore told him and told him he wouldn't try again when the Headmaster asked him.  
He knew that he couldn't be so sure of that but what did he care.

In the evening he was released from the hospital wing. 

He silently got up and walked towards Gryffindor tower.  
The others ignored him like they had taken to do after he blocked out their attempts on contact in the beginning of the school year.  
After a few days back to school everything became normal again.  
His only worry was that Snape would do something to him because of the life-dept but his worries seemed unnecessary because the greasy git completely ignored him through the lessons.

 

So after a few weeks Harry decided to try again. 

 

But he didn't want it to look like suicide in case he failed again. 

So one night he decided to sneak down towards Snapes store room to steal some poison.  
The wards on the room were no problem for him and so he only had to wait for the next hogsmead weekend to put the poison into his own drink.

 

But everything happend different from how it was supposed to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So please tell me what you think. 
> 
> At the Moment I'm leaning towards Tom adopting Harry and making him the dark prince because of the horcrux and either TomxSeverus and LuciusxHarry or LuciusxSeverusxHarry.
> 
> So hopefully the next chapter won't take as Long.  
> But I can definetly promise that it will be longer than 1.000 words.  
> Also see forward to the first appearance of Lucius in the next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope u like it.  
> Thanks a lot for the Reviews.  
> Please Point out any mistakes u notice and I will fix them. ('cause I wrote this at 3 a.m.)
> 
> And yay over 1.000 words.  
> Hope to Keep the chapters at least this Long.

When Harry walked into hogsmead in the morning it was cold.  
But he didn't mind.  
He bought himself a bottle of butterbeer and walked out of the village.  
He decided that he wanted to be alone for his second attempt.

 

He opened his bottle and carefully filled the poison into it.  
It had to look like it had been in there before.  
After that he set the botle down onto the ground next to him and closed his eyes with a sigh.  
Hopefully this time it would be over.  
And it was a nice place to die.  
So quite and peaceful.

''Mr. Potter... what a pleasant surprise.'' he heard a slow drawl behind him and turned around to see Lucius Malfoy standing there in an elegant black robe with his cane in his right hand.  
Somehow the situation seemed surreal to harry but he just shrugged.

''Go away.'' he told him. ''Otherwise they will think you have poisoned me.''  
With that he turned back around and missed the surprise look on Lucius face wich was acompanied by the arch of an eyebrow.

''Is my presence this threatening to you?'' he asked in an unimpressed voice and took a step closer to where Harry was sitting on a stone.

''No it isn't. It's rather my presence towards you.''  
The last part was whispered quitely and Harry thought that Lucius didn't hear it.  
But he was wrong.  
Lucius was a Veela so his hearing was better than that of a normal person and he heard the last sentence.

The silent whisper caused Lucius to look at Harry more closely.  
And so he noticed Harry's mistake and when the boy lifted his bootle to take a sip it was quickly slapped out of his hand by Lucius cane. 

When it meet the floor the liquid inside spilled and the poison started hsiing and eating at the ground.

That was when Harry realized his mistake.  
The empty bottle of poison was still standing next to him with the writing on it turned towards the elder Malfoy. 

He quickly grabbed it in hopes of swallowing a little leftover out of the bottle but before it touched his lips his wrist was sized in the strong grip of a gloved hand.  
He started to fight against it but the grip was too strong.

 

''Stop this nonsense Mr. Potter''

 

Harry didn't react to the voice.

 

''NOW!''

 

This time harry did react.  
He stilled imediatly and ducked his head.  
He tried to make himself as small as possible and a quite whimper escaped him while his hand was now hanging limply inside the much stronger grip.

When the older wizard didn't do anything another whiper escaped Harry and his shoulders hunched even more.

His instincts were yelling at him to apolgize but he couldn't move.

On one hand the yelling reminded him of his uncle and scared him but one the other hand he became very aware how much stronger the elder Malfoy was and his self peservation told him to obey the strong command.

Lost in his fears Harry didn't notice Lucius moving and flinched when a hand gently pulled his face up.

When Lucius did nothing but stare at him he started whimpering again and soon after that his body started trembling.

He didn't dare to look the elder Malfoy in the eye but he still felt like he did something wrong and that Lucius was angry at him.  
And he didn't know how to fix it!

 

He didn't know why he was scared in the first way or why he cared what Lucius Malfoy thought of him but he just wasn't able to get his feelings under control.

He tried to kill himself for Merlins sake so why was he scared now?!

''Harry'' he heard a soft voice and realized only after a few seconds that it was Lucius who had spoken.

Hesitantely he raised his eyes to the mans face but still kept them low enough to not meet the wizards eyes.

The only thing he knew was that suddenly he started to tremble harder and the next moment he was pressed against a warm chest and enveloped in strong arms.

At first he didn't know what happened but then he realized hat Lucius malfoy, wanted Death Eater, father of his most hated school rival was holding him.

 

And it felt nice.

 

Lucius himself didn't know why he did that.  
Maybe because Harrys submissive behaviour called the dominant Veela in him to protect Harry or maybe it was just a whim.

 

The only thing he new was that it felt right to have the small boy in his arms.

But still it was wrong.  
He was Lucius Malfoy and he shouldn't hold the boy-who-lived-to-make-his-masters-life-hell!

So unknown to harry Lucius fought a batlle with himslef.

Harry started to relax after a little while and even burrowed deeper into the strong chest before him.

 

And that's when the tears came and soon heartwreching sobs shook his small Frame while he clung to Lucius.

 

Never in his life had he been held like this. Okay maybe by his mother when he was a Baby but he didn't remember that.

And he didn't care who held him.  
He was just so glad that someone seemed to care for him. 

Because with Lucius Malfoy he could be sure that the man didn't care for him bacause of his fame or what he did as a baby.

The moment Harry started to cry Lucius made his decision or rather his instincts made a decision.

He pulled Harry more firmly into his chest and started to nuzzle at the raven locks.

His instincts were telling him that it was the right thing to do and his instincts were never wrong.

In this moment Lucius knew why he felt this way and his eyes widened and a silent tear rolled down his cheek.

But Harry didn't notice any of that because he fell asleep and fo the frist time in his life felt completely safe and he knew no nightmares would haunt him this night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided that it will definetly be Lucius x Harry but maybe I will add Tom and/or Severus to them.  
> Any guesses what Lucius realized?  
> And how did you like my Version of him?  
> See you again next time.


End file.
